Pride.!

In my senior English honors class I was asked to post a blog about what I considered to be my biggest flaw. It did not take me much longer than a few seconds to come up with my greatest imperfection, hubris. (No worries if you do not know what that means, I had not heard of the word before this class either.) Hubris is of Greek origin meaning excessive pride. Of course having pride is not a negative thing. Up until a certain point it is actually a positive characteristic to possess. In my case the issue results from the fact that my pride tends to hold me back. See it is to the point that I will avoid asking for help, admitting I am wrong, or even expressing when I am not okay to prevent appearing as weak. How ironic is it by trying not to be seen as weak a flaw is developed, a weakness in it's self.

This is not anything new. I have been this way for as long as I remember. But now I am changing that, well trying to at least. It is all about the baby steps right?

This week I took it upon myself to lay down my pride, an action that is typically unheard of for me.

I went downtown and received tutoring. This may not seem like a huge deal, I know. But for me to be able to say okay, "I need help," meant I was admitting I could not do it all on my on. Being an aspiring Paterno Fellows, one of the requirements is to maintain an ‘A’ in statistics this semester. Realistically thinking I knew I could not accomplish this without help. I realized how dumb it would be if I did not continue in the program because my pride held me back. So I went to!

Unfortunately there are so many things in life that could potentially hold me back or get in my way of me accomplishing my goals. Why let my self be one of those obstacles? I no longer want to be too prideful.

Signed: From: Comfort To: Courage

A Text.!

This entry differs from the last two in a way. For this week I focused on an action of mine that is very personal and an issue that I am much more emotionally invested in.

High school years were far from the easiest times, as I am sure many of you can relate. My home life went through many changes and by the time I graduated I had no relationship with my mother.

See being who I am, when I feel emotionally vulnerable I shut down and avoid situations  and instances where I need to be open and expressive. In turn I have been hesitant to try and rebuild the amazing relationship we once had, many years ago. I always think to myself I’ll deal with it all eventually, but not now I have so much going on.

Which is just an excuse I have used to avoid admitting to myself I am a little scared.

So this week my mother and I text, the brief conversations were filled mostly with small talk. But regardless, I am proud I started somewhere.

I know eventually the small talk will be replaced with the real and raw conversations that need to be had. I can’t predict how everything will turn out. What I know is I do not want to ever look back and say I wish I would have tried, I wish I wasn’t so stubborn. Because of that I stepped one foot out of the box and will continue to push myself beyond my comfort zone.

From: Comfort To: Courage

Exercise.!

Anyone who knows me will tell you I am not one for exercising. See I would not label my self as non-athletic, rather someone who finds more enjoyable ways to spend an hour or two of their day.

My baby step towards courage, for this week, was to jump start my exercise routine.

This all began with my all too cliche new years resolution, one that I am sure half of the U.S. population made. I told myself I would get back into shape and in turn become healthier. I am a little embarrassed to admit it has been since 9th grade that I have done consistent physical activity.

So, a few weeks ago I joined the gym and this past week I began my routine. I will be kickboxing twice a week and will be using the elliptical a few days of the week.

First day of kickboxing was rough to say the least. I felt awkward and extremely out of shape within the first few minutes of class. Looking around, it seemed as if the entire class was keeping up but me. There were even a few moments when I stopped doing the movements and thought, there is no way I can finish I feel like I am dying. (Yes, I can be dramatic.) But I did finish and I am proud of that. Even if It takes a long time to get back to where I was four years ago, at least I took the first step.

I wanted to point out that in that class there was one person that stood out. I could not believe my eyes that there was a actually a male brave enough to attend and fully participate in kick boxing. That is what I call courage in every day life, he violated social norms and was comfortable enough in himself.  We can all Amen to that!

Signed: From: Comfort To: Courage

Compliments.!

    I must admit deciding on an action of some sort to commit to for this past week was not as simple as I envisioned it. I kept finding that I would stop and think, “You can not do that!” So I figured I would begin small.

I have to start somewhere, right?

I focused on giving compliments. Now when I say that I do not mean I forced my self to put together insincere and half-hearted praises. Instead, I found that multiple times during each day I would think “Hey, that’s a real cute shirt,” or “I have to find that nail polish color, I love it,”  and I would never tell the individual. How many times can you say you have done that?

After giving it some thought I realized I probably hold back in avoidance of those possible awkward thank yous or looks, expressing why is she talking to me. I am sure many can relate.

Surprisingly though, throughout the week I had no negative or awkward situations. To the contrary, I found individuals appreciated the compliments and in most cases it generated small talk. In one instance, I ended up speaking with a girl on my dorm floor that I had never before held a conversation with. One less person in my building I’ll have to worry about having an awkward elevator ride with. We all hate those!

So what did I take out of this? Don’t let the anticipation of judgment hold you back! I mean people are going to judge any way right? The worst they could think is, “Why the hell is she so friendly?”


Signed: From: Comfort To: Courage